Darkness and Light: Where is it Going?
A Round Table Discussion
By Leyla Harrison

Classification: Humor, references to MSR
Rating: R for language
Spoilers: Gethsemane
Summary: It's hard to sum up.  Read on.

This is being written in response to the thousands of e-mail messages I
received from people wanting to know where I was going with my two
vignettes, "Darkness and Light" and "Darkness and Light II".  OK, so it
wasn't thousands.  Maybe it was a few hundred.  OK, it was four.

If you haven't read the above mentioned stories, crawl out from under
the rock where you reside and go find them.  They're on one of the
various archives, or they're on my home page.  Either way, they're easy
to find, so don't come crying to me that you don't understand this
because you haven't read the stories.

If you have read the stories, you'll know that the stories (and what
follows here) have spoilers for Gethsemane.  If you haven't seen that
episode yet or don't know what happens, STOP reading here.  I can't be
held responsible for giving away the secret of the fourth season
finale.  Read onward at your own risk.

This was inspired, of course, by Madeleine Partous.  If it weren't for
her this wouldn't have gotten written.  

As most of you may know, it took her practically an entire year to write
her opus "The Pact" and somewhere in the middle of it she got writers
block (yeah, sure she did) and wrote something quite similar to this.  
Hers is called "The Pact: Where is it Going?" and is readily available
on the various archives.  Go read it.  It'll help you understand this
one more. 

Of course, I had this idea *long* before she did.  I was just generous
enough to let her go ahead and do it first so that she could take the
credit for it.  Aren't I wonderful?  Madeleine may not feel that way
once she's read this, although I can't blame her; I mean, I can't help
it that I'm the better writer.

So.  Now that we've gotten all that out of the way, let's move along.  I
have to say that I am borrowing quite a few characters and real live
people for this little parody within a parody.  

******

I, of course, will be moderating tonight's event.

Our panel of experts includes:

Fox Mulder, Special Agent of the FBI.  Slightly whacked out.  A legend
in his own mind.  Well, OK, in a few other people's minds as well, but
they're whacked out too.  Incredibly lucky to be partnered with Dana
Scully (see below) even though she's much too good for him and he knows
it.

Dana Scully, Special Agent of the FBI, also known as St. Scully the
Enigmatic.  Partner of the above mentioned Fox Mulder.  Victim of his
constant ditching, although she tolerates it without much complaint,
which is further evidence of her saintliness.  Lives in the world of the
rational explanation, and oughta have a license for that raised eyebrow
of hers.  

Chris Carter, the master of yuppie morbidity, also known as the creator
of the X-Files.  In reality, he's just a surfer boy who got lucky.  

Vince Gilligan, occasional writer for the X-Files, also co-producer. 
Believer of extreme possibilities and a fan favorite among both shippers
and non-shippers alike.

Madeleine Partous, well known writer of fanfiction classics such as the
Puppets series, the Tales, and some really long piece that dragged on
forever...what was that thing called?  Oh, yeah, "The Pact".  Writes
terse, non-sentimental MSR within great plots.  

Karen Rasch, another well known writer of fanfiction, ardent shipper and
really knows how to lay on the smut, pun intended.  Author of the Words
series, and is considered a goddess to shippers everywhere.  Should be
married to Vince Gilligan.  Now where's a matchmaker when we need one?

Jennifer Maurer, relatively new to the fanfic community, and a dazzling
addition at that.  (She wrote her own bio for this.)  And she's modest,
too.  A definite shipper and Scully worshipper.


And now, on with the discussion.

(PANEL IS LED INTO THE ROOM; ALL ARE SEATED)

HARRISON: All right, we're here to talk about these little vignettes I
wrote called Darkness and Light.

CARTER: Couldn't you have thought a more obscure title for the second
one, preferably in Latin?

MAURER: Who cares about the title?  No one cares about the title.  All
that matters is the story.  Besides, no one understands those Latin
titles you use.  I never know what the episode is called until I see it
on the newsgroup and then it takes about three weeks to figure out what
it means.

CARTER: The Latin adds something to it, a certain je ne sais quoi.  All
the good episodes have titles in a foreign language.  I've always said
that.

HARRISON: Oh, sure, like Teso Dos Bichos?  That was a great one.  And El
Mundo Gira?  Another Golden Globe winner, I'm sure.

CARTER: (TESTILY) That was Shiban's fault, not mine.

PARTOUS: Well, that's what happens when you're too busy working on
Millennium, that piece of crap you call quality television.

CARTER: Don't I know you from somewhere?  I recognize that accent of
yours.  Wasn't I on a panel of yours once?  (LOOKS CONFUSED)

HARRISON: (CLEARING THROAT NERVOUSLY)  OK, let's stick to the topic
here.  The stories.  What does everyone think?

SCULLY:  Personally, I think they're great.  They show that I have some
strength.  Too many stories out there show me as some kind of wimp.  It
shows that I'm not afraid to believe.

MULDER:  Now that's a first.

(SCULLY GIVES MULDER THE EYEBROW)

GILLIGAN: I happen to like the Scully/Mulder interaction.  I think it's
great.  I just hope she's not dreaming the whole thing up.

HARRISON: Well, that's the point.  I mean, is Mulder dead and Scully
just imagining him there?  Or is he really alive?  Or are they both dead
and just having a great hallucination?

MULDER: Personally, I think he's alive.  Chris wouldn't write me out.  

CARTER: Of course I wouldn't.

PARTOUS: Well, you haven't been writing much of anything on the show
lately, have you?  You've left other people in charge, like Gilligan
over there. (POINTS)

(GILLIGAN NODS)

RASCH: And not a moment too soon, as far as I'm concerned.  Mulder and
Scully need a little emotion every now and then.  Plus sex. 

MULDER: (ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Lots and lots of sex.

SCULLY: I'm not so sure I agree with you there.  I think that we should
wait for the movie to have sex.  That way it will be incredibly intense.

CARTER: (MUTTERING) No sex.

SCULLY: (TO MULDER THOUGHTFULLY) Although if you do get written out, I
can carry the show on my own.  Everyone agrees.

MAURER: I'm a member of OBSSE, and I *know* that's true.  (KISSES
SCULLY'S FEET)

HARRISON: OK, OK, I think we're getting a little off topic here.

CARTER: I know.  The Pact.  The fucking Pact.  Well, as I keep reminding
everyone (THROWS DIRTY GLANCE AROUND THE ROOM, LINGERING ON PARTOUS)
Mulder and Scully are not getting together.

HARRISON: The Pact?  Jesus, that's not what we're talking about.  I
mean, I know it dragged on for almost a year, but can't anyone focus on
someone *else's* writing for a while? 

PARTOUS: (THROWS A DIRTY LOOK AT HARRISON): What do you want from me? 
Pick up the shattered pieces of your life and move on already.  

HARRISON: (CONFUSED) I though you liked my writing.

MAURER: (EAGERLY) I love your writing.  I love everything you've
written.  Especially all your early stuff.  Like No More Words, where
Scully lost her voice?  I loved that one.  And After All These Years?
Where Mulder and Scully's daughter died?  I loved that one too.  

MULDER: Oh, stop it.  You're such a groupie.

(MAURER STARTS TO CRY)

GILLIGAN: Jesus, look what you've done.  Leave her alone.  She has a
right to her *feelings*, for God's sakes.

RASCH: Thank you, Vince.  I couldn't agree more.  I mean, that's why
we're here in the first place, right?  To talk about these stories.  To
talk about feelings. Which, by the way, is the reason why I think the
stories are so beautifully written.  There's such an eloquence in the
dialogue between Mulder and Scully that's so rarely seen.  It's so
emotional.  I love it.

MULDER: Yeah, but there's not enough sex.

CARTER: (YELLING) There's not gonna be *any* sex, damn it!!

MULDER: (WHINING) But I haven't gotten laid since Kristen Kilar.

SCULLY: Who's that?

MAURER: Uh-oh.  (HIDING UNDER TABLE)

HARRISON:  (NERVOUSLY) I don't think that's really relevant. 

SCULLY: I think it is.

RASCH: (REASSURINGLY) Scully, don't worry.  He was thinking of you the
whole time.

(SCULLY LOOKS DISGUSTED)

PARTOUS: (SCORNFULLY TO SCULLY) He wasn't thinking of you at the time at
all.  That's just something the shippers cling to in order to help them
deal with the grief of seeing him have sex with someone other than you.

SCULLY: (TO MULDER) When did this happen?

(MULDER SQUIRMS)

CARTER: Scully, you weren't in that episode.  You had been abducted.  We
had to let Mulder live a little.

MAURER: (ANGRILY) He shouldn't have been living.  He should have been
grieving.  

RASCH: I agree; you shouldn't have been having sex with some vampire
woman while Scully was missing.  It just wasn't right.

MULDER: It didn't mean anything.  It was just sex.

PARTOUS: And as I've always maintained, there's nothing wrong with
friends having sex.  This is the thing about you Americans: you don't
understand the difference between love and sex.  Read my stories. 
You'll get it.  

HARRISON: Oh, Christ.  We're back to the difference between
French-Canadians and Americans.  (ROLLS HER EYES)  That's *not* what
this is about.

PARTOUS: That's what everything is about, if you ask me.  You're all
Americans.  You just don't get it.

HARRISON: We can talk about that later, OK?  The story, remember, the
story?  Can anyone *please* tell me what they think about the story?
(PLEADING)

GILLIGAN: I think that Mulder's not really dead.  He's coming to Scully
when she needs him most.   He's alive.  He wouldn't have killed himself.

MULDER: Thank God.

CARTER: I make no promises.

RASCH: You *cannot* separate them!

HARRISON: (YELLING) Hey, I'm the one writing the fucking story!!

SCULLY: I don't care one way or the other, to be honest.  I mean, so
far, I look pretty good in this story.  I'm being brave; I'm fighting
the cancer. 

MAURER: I agree with Vince.  I think Mulder's still alive.  And then
they'll be together again.  It's perfect.  (SIGHS A HAPPY SHIPPER SIGH)

MULDER: That's two for me still being alive!!

CARTER: Yeah, well, everyone knows I don't listen to what the fans say. 
Most of them are just those crazy women on the Internet who are all
writing about Mulder and Scully having sex.  I'm sick of it.  They're
all nuts.

PARTOUS: Well, we all know that if you listened to the fans you wouldn't
still be working on Millennium.  

HARRISON: Do you repeat *everything*?  We heard you the first time. 
Christ.  It's just like your stories.  Everything goes on and on and it
never ends.  It just endlessly repeats itself.  (THROWS UP HER HANDS IN
EXASPERATION)

RASCH: Although Madeleine and I have completely different approaches to
the whole Mulder/Scully dynamic, I have to agree with her here.  Chris,
if you would just listen to the fans...

HARRISON: (TO HERSELF) I can't believe this.  I cannot believe this. 
All I did was ask for a few simple opinions about these stories...and I
get *this* in response.  This is crazy.  I give up.

MAURER: (PANICKED) No, no, don't do that.  We have to know what
happens.  You can't just leave everyone hanging like this.

HARRISON: (GRUMPILY) Why not?  That's what Partous did with the Pact and
it increased her popularity by leaps and bounds.  

CARTER: Yeah, well, I hate her.  (SNEERING) She claims to have these
plot driven stories and it's really just a MSR in disguise.  

GILLIGAN: What's wrong with that?

CARTER: Remind me again why I haven't fired you.

GILLIGAN: Well, let's see.  Could it be that all the episodes I've
written have made the fans like me better?  I mean, Pusher; Small
Potatoes...

CARTER: You bastard... (LUNGES FOR GILLIGAN)

RASCH: Don't touch him!!

MAURER: Watch his hands!!  He can't write if his hands get hurt!!

(RASCH AND MAURER LEAP TO GILLIGAN'S RESCUE)

HARRISON: (YELLING) No fighting!  I don't believe in that.  Not at my
round table discussion!

SCULLY: (PULLING HER GUN) OK, you two, let's take this outside.

(SCULLY ESCORTS CARTER AND GILLIGAN TO THE DOOR.  THEY EXIT.  MAURER AND
RASCH GAZE UPON HER ADORINGLY.)

HARRISON: (SIGHS) OK, let's get the stars out of our eyes and finish
this discussion.  

MULDER:  I'm not dead.  I have two votes for not dead.  Actually,
three.  Vince, Karen and Jennifer.  Madeleine hasn't voted yet.

PARTOUS: Vince's vote doesn't count anymore.  He's outta here.

HARRISON: Mulder's right.  I haven't heard anything from you about the
story, Madeleine.  What do you think?  Should Mulder just be a
hallucination or should he be alive?  

SCULLY: (MUTTERING) Sometimes I wish he *was* just a hallucination.

MULDER: I heard that.

SCULLY: You were supposed to.

MULDER: Oh, really.

SCULLY: (EXASPERATEDLY) Oh, shut up, Mulder, or I'll shoot you in the
other shoulder.  

MAURER AND PARTOUS: (IN UNISON) NO!!!!

RASCH: (THOUGHTFULLY) Well, I don't know.  That brought up a lot of
angst the first time it happened and a flurry of fanfics came out of
that.  I'll bet I could come up with something good if he gets shot
again.

MULDER: Sure, easy for you to say.  You weren't the one with the bullet
in your shoulder.

MAURER: Yeah, but we got to see you shirtless.  (LICKS HER LIPS)

(PARTOUS PURRS AT HIM; RASCH WINKS AT HIM)

(MULDER PREENS; SCULLY ROLLS HER EYES)

HARRISON: Give me a break already.  Madeleine, you didn't get to
answer.  What do you think?

PARTOUS: I think you should keep it a mystery.  Drag it out for as long
as you can.  I mean, it adds a certain air of mystique.  Don't you know
anything about technique and writing styles?

HARRISON: Wait, wait.

PARTOUS: What is it?

HARRISON: Back up for a second.  What did you say?

PARTOUS: When?

HARRISON: Just now.  What did you just say?

PARTOUS: I said, what is it.

HARRISON: Are you sure?

PARTOUS:  I can't take this.  I can't.  I'm French Canadian, for God's
sakes.  We do things differently up here.  I wish you all would get that
through your heads.

MAURER: Even *I* have to admit, that French Canadian thing is getting
pretty old.

PARTOUS: Well, so are your One Breath stories.  Move along, for God's
sakes!  Get Scully out of the damn boat!  I mean, you have talent; use
it!  Write about something else!

RASCH: (PUTTING HER ARM AROUND MAURER) Don't worry, Jennifer, I thought
your stories were perfect.  They explored Mulder and Scully's true
feelings for each other.

MULDER: I thought I was a bit of a wimp in those stories, to be honest.

PARTOUS: (SARDONICALLY) Feeling a little insecure about your manhood,
are we now?

(SCULLY GRINS)

HARRISON:  I think I've had it with all of you.  This should teach me to
ask anyone for advice about what to do next.  I'm just gonna follow my
own instincts. 

(MULDER AND SCULLY GET UP AND PREPARE TO LEAVE)

MULDER: Come on, Scully, let's go.  There's a cattle mutilation out in
Idaho that requires our immediate attention.  The truth is out there,
Scully.  I know it is.

SCULLY: Get your hand off the small of my back, Mulder.  It may work in
fanfiction as a come on, but it won't work here.

(MULDER AND SCULLY EXIT)

MAURER: (BABBLING WORSHIPFULLY) Scully's leaving?  Oh, I have to catch
up with her!  There's still so much I want to ask her.  If she'll let
me, of course.  I mean, if she has time.  I just think she's the
greatest...

(MAURER MAKES A BEELINE FOR THE DOOR)

RASCH: (ALSO GETTING UP TO LEAVE) Well, Leyla, I'm sorry this wasn't
more helpful.  I *do* like your stories, especially these.  They're just
so romantic.

HARRISON:  Well, thanks, Karen.  Coming from you that means a lot to
me.  But I'm not sure I was always writing all my stories like that.  I
mean, I wanted them to be romantic, but...

RASCH: (PATS HARRISON ON THE HEAD)  But they are.  Believe me, I should
know.  (SMILES KNOWINGLY)  

(RASCH EXITS)

HARRISON: (SIGHING) Well, Madeleine, I guess it's just you and me.  

PARTOUS: I have no reason to stick around.  I'm out of here.

HARRISON: Wait, wait!!  This is all your fault, you know.  If it hadn't
been for your round table, I wouldn't be in this mess.

PARTOUS: (SLYLY) But I thought you said in the disclaimer that you had
this idea first.

HARRISON: Well, um, I did, but...

PARTOUS: That's what I thought.  Now I really have to go.  I'm working
on this new story.  It's really going to be great.

HARRISON: (SARCASTICALLY) So, how many parts will this one be?  Do you
think you'll finish it in less than a year this time?

PARTOUS: (LAUGHING) In Quebec we do things differently than in the
States.

HARRISON: (DEJECTEDLY) I give up.  I give up!!!

(PARTOUS EXITS)

HARRISON: Well, there you have it, folks.  This has helped me to decide
absolutely nothing.  And so, the fate of Mulder will remain in the
darkness.

PARTOUS: (POKES HER HEAD IN THE DOOR) Bad pun, Leyla.  If you want them
to read, you need to start writing better than that.  (EXITS)

(HARRISON LETS HER HEAD DROP TO THE TABLE WITH A THUMP)

FADE TO BLACK

******

Personal thanks and acknowledgments: 
First off, thank you to Jenbird.  I never thought I could write humor
and she kept me laughing and she kept me full of great ideas.  Second of
all, I'm only poking fun at the authors mentioned because I admire their
work so much and respect them as writers, but I'm mostly doing it
because I can.

I don't really feel like thanking CC because I'm not too happy with him
these days, but I have to grudgingly admit that he owns Scully and
Mulder.  Yawn.  Vince, of course, is worthy of deification.  

And above all, thanks to Jeannine, whose constant encouragement and
support have made all of this possible.

Mulder: "What is that look, Scully?" 
Scully: "I would have thought that after four years you'd 
	 know exactly what that look was."